


The Horrible Misadventures of Dating

by roshytsunami



Series: Our Dates Are In The Stars [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Incredible Hulk (2008), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Dates, First Dates, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3771166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roshytsunami/pseuds/roshytsunami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a prequel to "When You Wish Upon A Star". You do not have to read that story first to understand this story. These are just the Horrible dates Bruce and Clint faced before "When You Wish Upon A Star" happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That's One Spicy Meatball

Clint was in his bathroom trying to give himself a pep talk. He had just got out of the shower and had his towel around his waist as he wipes the fog off the mirror and gets a razor. Talking and shaving at the same time is not a good move for him and he ends up nicking himself a few times before he shuts his mouth and finishes shaving.

He has a few pieces of toilet paper on his face where he cut himself shaving and begins to get dressed in something casual. He had scoped the restaurant out earlier that week had dined there once and checked the menu. It was a great and an authentic Indian food place. Bruce was going to love it if he could get his pants on. He hadn’t dried off his legs and his pants were sticking to his body like glue. He finally gets them on and throws on a tank some deodorant and then a nice shirt.

He heads back to the bathroom and brushes his hair back quickly before putting some cologne on and taking the toilet paper pieces off his face. He smiles before frowning, “right got to brush my teeth almost forgot,” he says as he begins to brush his teeth then whines when he gets toothpaste on his shirt, “aw shirt,” he says as he spits and wipes his mouth before choosing another shirt to use.

Once he checks himself in the mirror twice he heads out the door before cursing he had forgotten his socks and shoes in his rush. The only reason he remembered is because when he took that first step outside his foot had gotten cold. He quickly gets his socks and shoes before finally walking over to the tower to pick up Bruce.

Bruce meanwhile was being groomed by Tony because as he said for the twentieth time it was in the bro code.

“Tony I really don’t think this is necessary,” he said looking at himself in the mirror frowning in a suit, “Clint said casual. I don’t think I need to wear a suit.”

“You are wearing a suit Bruce it makes your legs look more defined and you look less like a hippie and more professional,” he says making Bruce put his coat jacket on before straight it out.

“Tony I’m not going to a meeting. I’ll just wear something else,” he says taking the jacket off as Tony whines. It’s his date not Tony he needs to be comfortable for a date not one edge because his clothes are bothering him, Toy still hasn’t gotten it through his head that he is caring for a monster not a man. A monster in a suit is a bad idea.

“Fine Bruce but you are at least wearing that nice shirt and jeans if you must,” he huffs leaving Bruce to get dressed.

It doesn’t take long for Bruce to get dressed. It’s not like he needed to put any effort into this date. Clint is probably going to get bored with him in the first twenty minutes and drop this whole dating nonsense once he sees what a boring guy he really is. He hears the door open and Tony greeting Clint. Bruce takes a deep breath before going out the door and smiles at Clint. He notices that Clint had cleaned up well.

“You look nice,” Bruce says smiling.

Clint checks Bruce out and rubs the back of his head, “you cleaned up well too doc so um shall we,” he asks holding his arm out like a gentleman.

Bruce laughs and grabs his arm as Clint begins to walk with him to the Indian restaurant. Tony of course shouts three innuendos as they head out the door before handing Bruce a pack of condoms saying, “just in case Brucie.”

Bruce flushes at the notion but put them in his pants for now since he is already walking with his date. He looks up at Clint snickering him and gives Clint a glare which shuts him up in an instant. It’s good to know his teacher glare is still up to par.

Once inside the restaurant Clint begins to relax he knows the layout, all the exits, the specials they are serving tonight nothing is going to go wrong. He sits down with Bruce awkwardly and lets the waiter take their drinks and order since Bruce seems to know what he wants already. Thank goodness he tried the place out before coming here. He places his order with Bruce and places his hands under the table so he can tap them against his knee.

“So uh Bruce having fun,” he asks before internally cringing.

Bruce looks up at Clint and shrugs, “I guess. The date did just start right,” he asks before chuckling, “it has been a long time since I’ve done this.”

“Yeah well um I kind of was nervous and may have scoped the place out earlier,” he says sheepishly.

“That was your two day SHIELD mission wasn’t it,” he teases.

“Well yeah but I didn’t want you to know about it Bruce. Come on man stop ragging on me,” he grins, “been awhile since I’ve gone out too.”

Bruce raises an eyebrow and smirks, “try fifteen.”

Clint looks at him shocked, “nope I’m calling bullshit on that. No way you’ve been without someone that long,” he says but stops seeing Bruce’s face turn into that fake smile he shows to others, “Bruce…man that sucks and I thought my dry spell of a year was bad,” he rubs the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it. I did it to myself with that accident…”

“Not an excuse man. Com on you said yes to a date with me so that’s a start right,” he asks looking at Bruce’s face.

Bruce fidgets with his hand before removing his glasses and pretending to clean them, “it’s different after tonight you’ll see I’m just a boring nerd and go out with another person next week…”

“Bruce how can you be so mean. I don’t do this for all my dates,” he says gesturing, “I certainly don’t go and find the most authentic Indian food around cause my date likes it. Hell I would have taken you to a pub if you were just any other date,” he says sipping his drink about to comment more when their food arrives. He curses at the waiter’s timing. He was on a roll he wanted Bruce to know this wasn’t just a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’ type of date. This was an 'I wanted to wine and dine you because I like you a lot a lot' date.

He smiles and thanks the waiter whispering to Bruce, “I really like you Bruce alright. I don’t go all out like this just for any Tom, Dick, or Harry,” he says seeing Bruce blush and smiles at him, “yeah see that-“

Bruce shakes his head as he waves his hand to cool his tongue before he quickly picks up his water and begins to chug it like a dying fish. It does nothing so he reaches over for Clint’s drink and chugs that drink down.

“Bruce you alright,” he asks as he tries to get a waiter to come over.

“Too hot,” he says getting up suddenly and heading to the bathroom. He rushes to the bathroom in the back of the restaurant and turns the facet on before he begins to drink from the sink since the water isn’t coming fast enough to the table.

Clint rushes back to the bathroom where Bruce is just gulping down water. Clint lets out a sigh of relief that Bruce wasn’t sick from the food. He was worried the food was spoiled and had upset Bruce’s stomach. Clint has an iron stomach and can handle anything you throw at him that is edible. Clint smirks leaning on the wall, “thought you said you could handle spicy food,” he teases.

“They poured too much curry or it went bad… became too potent,” he says panting as his tongue cools. He flushes from embarrassment and gets a paper towel to wipe his mouth, “I’m sorry for ruining our date-“

“Ha you said “our” that means another one right. I get another date? Come on I can make it better than this one. I’m sorry Bruce,” he says patting him on the back,

Bruce just sighs fixing his glasses, “get me vanilla ice cream on the way to the Tower and I’ll consider it,” he grins.

Clint grins back, “that’s a yes isn’t it?”

Bruce just keeps that grin in place as he exits the bathroom.

Clint follows after him and pays the bill for the food. As promised he takes Bruce to an ice cream shop and gets him vanilla ice cream hoping that their second date will be better than their first. This was a first date, they usually go awkward or bad and this one was in between but second dates are better. Really what is the worst that can happen on the second date?


	2. Movie Night

Ok so maybe the first date wasn’t that great but the second date oh he has it planned and it’s going to go perfectly. No trying new restaurants or different food or super spicy food. Nope they are going to have a simple movie night at home.

Clint did think a movie in the theaters would have been great but some people at the theatre are just jerks and Bruce doesn’t need that added stress. Plus fifteen dollars to get into a movie added along with twenty dollar popcorn with a drink and the possibility that the movie will be a dud is just not his thing. No this date is going to go perfect and he’s going to bring out all the moves. For example the scoot and gently lay his arm around Bruce’s shoulder. Oh yeah he is definitely getting a kiss maybe second base? Hell he doesn’t know he’s just excited to be spending time with Bruce tonight.

It’s almost seven when Bruce arrives at the common room dressed up in a nice shirt and dress pants looking flustered and out of place compared to Clint who is in sweatpants and shirt that says Caw Caw with an arrow.

Bruce rubs the back of his neck, “um I guess I dressed up too much for this,” he chuckles.

Clint just grins at Bruce, “naw I’m just lazy but you certainly know how to work it Bruce. You look snazzy and hot man,” he says as Bruce blushes at the compliment and waves his hand at Clint.

“Well I didn’t really have time to get changed and I knew we had a date so I took this to work and wore it,” he smiles, “I was lucky not to get any stains on my clothes at least.”

“Yeah well whatever the reason is you look hot butt get your tight ass over her,” he says patting the cushion beside him smiling as Bruce rolls his eyes and sits down before taking his dress shoes off and looking at Clint smiling. Clint looked relaxed so he was going to follow suit.

“So what movie choices do we have,” he asks Clint looking at the table that has a large bowl of popcorn, some candies and two glasses along with a pile of movies, “we aren’t going to watch all of those are we?”

“What you don’t feel like marathoning the Lord of the Rings series,” he laughs, “naw that would be a whole day I thought a Disney movie since it’s kind of neutral. Um I was thinking either Dumbo or Brave or you can choose a different one that Jarvis can find and screen for us?”

“Neutral,” he says nodding his head, “Clint I can watch action movies…”

“Yeah but I don’t think they are your cup of tea,” he grins, “pun intended.”

Bruce sighs and looks at the movies before picking one of them and inserting the disk.

“Hey there science bro and birdbrain what are you two doing,” Tony smirks heading to the counter top behind Bruce and Clint looking through the fridge.

“Trying to watch a movie Stark,” says Clint annoyed not looking at Tony because he doesn’t trust what he might do to him. He knew they were having a date why can’t he go off and screw around with his robots.

“Hey don’t get pissy with me,” says Tony pulling out a Gatorade because electrolytes were kind of a food. It totally counted as eating and drinking.

“I’m not it’s our date so do you mind,” he asks turning around on the couch to look at Tony drinking from the bottle of Gatorade.

“Yeah sure just came to get a drink,” he says putting the cap back on the drink before he sees the menu and his eyes widen with mirth, “Wall-E huh I haven’t seen this one yet. Dum-e gets excited when I mention Wall-E,” he says plopping down on the couch grabbing a handful of the popcorn.

Clint is livid what part of date did Tony not get. He was getting cock blocked and the little shit knew exactly what he was doing as he took his shoes off. The pain in the ass was making himself comfortable.

“Tony,” he says through clenched teeth about to let him have it when Bruce interrupts.

“This is our date Tony,” says Bruce giving Tony the Bambi eyes. Oh yeah Tony how are you gonna resist those eyes huh. Hell Bruce can get me to do anything with the move he’s pulling on you. No one can resist the Bambi eyes.

“Aw come on Brucie just five minutes,” Tony says leaning on Bruce and pulling the science bro code. Bruce just sighs and looks at Clint shrugging. It’s only going to be five minutes and then Bruce will make Tony leave.

Five minutes past by quickly and Tony still hasn’t left commenting on why a cockroach is a pet for robot and how the mechanisms of Wall-E don’t make any sense and soon he has Bruce talking science as Clint listens with one ear on Bruce and the other on the movie hoping Tony will leave.

It doesn’t happen soon it turns into Natasha sneaking in to watch the movie after training with Steve. She sits on the left side of Clint so he can still be by Bruce. She is such a good bro taking the armchair seat instead of getting in between Bruce and him. Too bad Thor doesn’t understand that concept and sits in between the both of them commenting loudly on the valor of the tiny robot. Bucky and Steve soon arrive and sit on the opposite side of Bruce with Bucky on the edge of the couch and Tony on the floor watching the movie since he lost his spot. Steve tries to explain Wall-E to Bucky when the villain makes his appearance and is actually a computer ship not a man trapped in the ship.

So the seating arrangement is as followed Natasha on the left side of Clint and in between Clint is Thor’s massive body then it’s Bruce followed by Steve then Bucky on the ledge while Tony sits on the floor in front of them like a little kid. This is so not how he planned for his date to go.

Clint looks over at Bruce being squished by Thor and Steve and mouths a sorry. He can’t tell if Bruce nodded his head or not being squished in between the two biggest heroes excluding Hulk made it impossible for Bruce to move. So much for date night, he didn’t even get to pull his Hawkeye moves on him.


End file.
